3:37 AM

Sigh~ while hubby enjoy his sleep n snoring out loud, I still awake and been thinking a lot lately. Thinking, planning, hoping of something that I'm not sure if there's any possibility to make it happen and how. When. And the only reason why I still stuck as the way I am now because I always said 'later-lah' and keep on pending. That's my biggest mistake. Regret? 1% but I believe I can catch up what I lost. Haha.

I met Rafie last weekend and we are having can-say-so lunch at IKEA (the food suck and they don't have water supply that day so I only can drink mineral water- sangat tak best). I'm proud of him, work so hard to establish his own label as a make up artist. I should follow him!! And he keep on shouting and ask when I wanna start my couture. Boy~ if I have time to do it- I'll do but the thing is I don't! Guess I have to learn how to manage my time and divide it between family, work and passion. Self-leisure? NONE! Sounds pathetic rite? But that's the truth.

I admit, since Sara born I don't have time for myself. I don't even have time to finish my magazine that has been stack like months.. And few books that been abandon halfway.. But to me- nothing can replace Sara. Sometime how I wish I could finish reading mags or books but its ok coz I rather spent more time with my lil angle. Books? Mags? Nah~ I can read it some other time. (I guess by the time I read, its already outdated!)

I've been thinking how to strenghten my relationship between family, husband, child, friends and new people. I admit, as time goes by- the older I am the more quiet I be. I use to be damn talkative before but now, I tend to be more quiet and prefer to stay alone. Why is that happen- I wonder why. Its not healthy coz I wanted to be in fashion industry. Whereby I need to get long with people and new people, to networking and built a relationship. But how? I am so shy to speak out or to start a small talk. And who should I refer to; to strenghten my PR with people. Sigh~ I was thinking to get a book. Finally I saw Ken Loh read a book titled 'to understand and to be understood'. I think is a good book coz it thought you about how to strenghten your relationship with others. And he recommend the book to me (of coz!! Coz he reading it!)

That's 1 of my latest problem. I gettin weaker in PR. #2 is- sketching skill! Damn~ even my handwritting is worst now. How to sketch! Rafie been laughing at me when I sketch Nana's wedding dress. Since I'm pregnant, I've been stop doing sketching nor sewing for almost a year! Plus the confinement period. I still remember Rafie said “for God sake Awin, are you drawing a statue or dress?” Dang- shame on me! Guess what? My hand shaky when I sketch it!! Its weird holding a pencil that time while all your fingers pretty blotted.

#3- sewing technique. My 1st cloth that I sewn is my mom blouse. Lucky I turn to be as what she expect. She been yelling and ask me when to do her blouse?? I said- ok ok I'll do it Mak but give me some time to catch up the comfort zone and skills. Ahacks! And now I'm confident to do my couture. Thank God!

Damn its already 4:30am! I guess that's all for now as my BB getting weaker. I think if it can shout surely it yell 'can you stop typing and charge my battery??'.

Got to go as it raining now.. Hmm.. Sweet dreams and I can't wait to meet Sara tomorrow. I miss you darl!!

Hugs