HARD TO LET GO

Its 3.32am and i am still awake. My minds flies and empty. Suddenly I felt so sad and I have to accept the facts that I'm going to leave this house when the right time is come. I look around. I still remember when the first time I step into this house. Its empty. No grills. No curtain hanger. Dusty. Brand new and I can tell I am one of the first batch who move in Pelangi Damansara.

Bank called me on my lunch time. En. Zul said- congratulations, your house loan has been aprroved. Unfortunately I cant get Mr. Bakri. So I told him, that I will ask Bakri to call him back. I am so happy that my dream come true. I waited almost 4 months but I didnt put on high hope. I just have faith that I will get that house. Im gonna have my own workshop when we move to a new house. Im gonna have my own space to sew. Sara will have her own room and place to play. Sara will have chances to play at swimming pool since she always love play with water, bubbles and floating ducks during shower time. Bakri will have his own chill space, astro, games.. and I was thinking to get a foosball table or maybe a mini pool. And I can enjoy a free gym!! And a sauna! When free time I can have new activities such as cyling and playing badminton with hubby and Sara. And the best part- my kitchen will be 3 times bigger!! Alhamdulillah.

InsyAllah, when we move in soon, first thing that we have to do is 'cuci rumah'. Paint the house, choose a nice lighting, a fan, kit cab, grills.. when everything done, I will do a doa selamat and also some makan-makan. I cant wait but I know I still have to wait, after my lawyer will settle things with the owner. And I started to packed.

After all this, I can see how things change. From a kid turns to teenager, then a youth.. found a guy and in love.. engaged and tie a knot with a marriage, after 3 months waiting.. blessed with a baby girll.. and now.. moving into a bigger house. How I see myself transforming from someone single into a married lady who have 1 kid but still stay the same. :-) How I see myself having a bigger responsibility compared to yester years. How I see myself have a mission and goals to make my life better. How I see myself as a grown woman and gettin older. And how I see myself dont have much times to pursue what I love.

Yes, people said its a long way to go. You are still young. But I dont think so. Im aging through the time how times are so preacious to me. I'm stuck in the middle now. Its hard to explain in here as its a little bit complicated but I can survive.

I do hope, everything goes well for 2010. I have a big hope this year and will change my life as well.

InsyAllah.